i'm a cave girl

so, i went to a naturopath on friday regarding my 'issues' (if you read this blog often you'll know what they are).  she suggested i go on the "paleo" diet, otherwise knows as the 'caveman' diet, as a sort of elimination of all foods that might in the least way be problematic for me.  this is a pretty popular eating regime at the moment, based on the fact that cavemen were a much healthier human race than our current average homosapien.  here's a little explanation i found online at "nerdfitness.com".

You see, tens of thousands of years ago, before Nike, Cap’n Crunch, and Healthy Choice meals, our ancient ancestors thrived as hunter-gatherers. Although it’s been a really long time, our genetics haven’t changed that much since then. The average Homo Sapien back then: tall, muscular, agile, athletic, and incredibly versatile.The average Homo Sapien now: overweight, out of shape, stressed out, unhappy, sleep deprived and dying from a myriad of preventable diseases.So what the hell happened? Agriculture! A few thousand years ago humans discovered farming, the agricultural revolution took off, and we advanced from hunter-gatherers to farmers. We settled down, formed societies, and the human race progressed to what we are today.

so, according to this diet philosophy if we all eat like cavemen and exercise more we will return to our pre-agricultural fitness levels.  i see a little problem.  although i'm now eating as a hunter-gatherer, i am neither hunting nor gathering (unless you can call a trip to costco gathering, which, after hunting for a parking spot, making my way through the jungle of options without going bankrupt, braving the cash lines, and running my son over with the cart in the parking lot, seems to come close).  i don't think my 20 minutes of jillian micheals will compare with a life of foraging for berries and chasing down wild boar. 

another thought, these ancestors of ours weren't only hunter-gatherers, they were hunted and gathered.  the weekly run-from-the-hungry-t-rex must have been great for muscular endurance!  i think they would gladly trade their healthy lifestyle of losing a limb to a giant predator for some tv and nachos. 

and writing a letter in stone - that takes muscles!

obviously i'm a bit cynical, and more than a little ticked off that now when we're invited to some one's house for dinner i have to say we're "gluten-, dairy-, tree nut-, grain-, and sugar-free".   that's more than two ENTIRE food groups people.  coming up with a meal list this week felt like a herculean effort. but it's done, and here's hoping my son quickly gets over his aversion to green foods.

and that i can say goodbye to cheese.  sniff.  when the naturopath said "no dairy" i put my head down on her desk and said "give me a moment to adjust".

i think this calls for a haiku.

goodbye cheese.

 

even though you make

me gasey, i do love you.

boursin, cheddar, brie.

 

glad i cannot have

a cracker or i'd miss you

terribly. good bye.

thankfully, this is only for the next six weeks.  at least, that's the current plan.  i was hoping to celebrate easter with chocolate (what could be holier?), but my lent will have to live on a little longer.

there is a silver lining i suppose:  i can still eat bacon.  if you're in the area, feel free to stop in for the bacon-wrapped vegetable of the day, and if you're lucky i'll let you see my six-pack once it arrives.