nuts

this morning my daughter sat at the breakfast table (which, in case you were wondering, is the same as the lunch and dinner table), and said "well, it's official.  i'm nuts".
scott replied "if you were truly nuts you wouldn't know it.  i think that's one of the components of losing your mind, you don't notice it's gone" (or something to that effect, probably not as eloquent).

hmmm.

i beg to differ sweet husband.

last week i went nuts.  and i knew it. 

our house went on the market last monday, and on that day and the next 6 to follow it i cleaned my home from top to bottom.  every day.  i felt like my eyes were dirt magnets, capable of finding the smallest scuff, the errant dust, the hidden fingerprint.  i was a dirt spy.  a dirt detective.  the sherlock holmes of house care. 

my poor children.

on tuesday, only day 2 of my psychosis, we got into the car to drive my daughter to school and she cried "OH LORD!!!  sell our house!!!"  it was a cry of passion, a psalmian lament from deep within her. 

and, Praise the Lord above, He listened.  we had an offer by wednesday, and the conditions should be lifted and the sale final by this coming friday.

so, you're thinking, what's your problem Janet?  why the melt down when your house was only on the market for less than a week?  i think my poor little anxiety meter was still bruised from our last move.  two and a half years seems to have not been enough time to forgive and forget.  i went right back into the crisis mode of the fall of 2010 - my husband was already here in saskatoon and i was still in cloverdale BC, with two little ones and our house for sale.  i was a clean maniac.  i remember yelling "spit in the hole, not in the sink!!!".  i had this routine of getting the kids up and cleaning behind them as they dressed and worked their way downstairs for breakfast - beds made and bathroom clean before cereal even hit their little lips.  i told myself i would be prepared for anything - a last minute showing or interested neighbour.  i had cookie dough waiting in the freezer and would throw in a batch whenever anyone came through the house, so it smelled like deliciousness, and so i'd have a little note and fresh cookies for the prospective buyers.  imagine the tizzy i would fly into if the realtor didn't show!!  two months of escalating craziness.

and i was right back there starting day one of this sale.  it didn't help that somehow we missed the fact that scott was going away on a staff planning retreat for three days.  he left the day the house went on MLS, and there was a showing that night.  as soon as i realized what situation i was in AGAIN - selling a house with two kids and no husband to help - BLAM!  a little switch in my brain went from sane to nuts. 

i think the switch has been flicked back.  but, if scott's right, i wouldn't really know would i? 

i'm comforted by the fact that my kids have stopped pleading with God (at least, out loud), that i ignored dirt today (although it was difficult) and that i haven't wiped down our bathroom since saturday.  baby steps to healing.

hold on to your hats

the big news is:  there's a "for sale" sign on my lawn, stuck into close to six feet of snow.  silly me, i asked the realtor "how are you going to get it into the ground?", she smiled graciously and explained the one benefit of having a small ski-hill on your front yard:  sign placement.

we're moving again.

back to BC.  back to flowers and green and rain and grey.  to North Vancouver to be precise - which will be a stretch for us as a family, and for me personally, in many ways.  i am directionally challenged, so the idea of living anywhere with the name "Vancouver" attached to it is a little daunting.  thankfully North Van is stuck between the ocean and mountains, so that's two directions that should be pretty straightforward.  when we moved here scott felt lost without the mountains "i always knew which direction i was going in".  my internal reaction:  "what a good idea - using the mountains!".  yes, i'm that challenged.

thankfully, as opposed to last time, our realtor here is a woman who made all of the needed "oooh" and "ahhh" sounds my little housewife heart was hoping for. she said "you don't need to change a thing" and i nearly busted my buttons. hallelujah! that must be one of my favourite sentences (note to husband).

though we love our church here, scott's fit in his role as associate pastor has not been the best.  we feel hungry for a smaller church again, for intimacy and vulnerability and casual gatherings.  for the arts and church meals and family.  we think, well, we're pretty positive, we've found our fit in Cappilano Community Church.  so, starting August first, scott will be their new lead pastor.  which i suppose puts me back in the lead pastor's wife shoes again (lord have mercy). 

we're excited.

and we're sad.

and we're happy.

and we're heartbroken.

it's like a roller coaster around here.  God has helped make the move away from our beloved saskatoon a little easier by putting us in a deep freeze since october.  however, i know that before we leave i will see my backyard verdant green again, and my tree full of leaf, and the parks climbing with children, and the river rolling.  ah, saskatoon, how i love you.

we now embark on the journey of three-months of goodbyes.  which is easier, the slow withdrawal which extends a less painful pain; or the quick rip of agony?  i'm not sure.  leaving BC was one good-bye party too many.  i think my bookclub had it's "last club with Janet!" at least three times while we were waiting for the house to sell.  i'm praying this move will be more straightforward.  my friends did get to use the "but janet's moving!!!" card for months though - much to their poor husbands chagrin.

i feel like i've been a bit of a hermit of late, shying away from conversations because i was not yet able to share the biggest things happening in my life.  but now, the words out, and i'm ready to play! 

as long as you come here to play, i don't want to drive in this weather.



off i go to create meaningful memories with as many people as humanly possible.  and sell a house.  and buy a house.  and comfort my crying daughter and my friend ruth who has hinted she would rather i'd just die (she has a bit of an aversion to good-byes).  and eat some more meat and veggies. 

all in a days work.

i'm a cave girl

so, i went to a naturopath on friday regarding my 'issues' (if you read this blog often you'll know what they are).  she suggested i go on the "paleo" diet, otherwise knows as the 'caveman' diet, as a sort of elimination of all foods that might in the least way be problematic for me.  this is a pretty popular eating regime at the moment, based on the fact that cavemen were a much healthier human race than our current average homosapien.  here's a little explanation i found online at "nerdfitness.com".

You see, tens of thousands of years ago, before Nike, Cap’n Crunch, and Healthy Choice meals, our ancient ancestors thrived as hunter-gatherers. Although it’s been a really long time, our genetics haven’t changed that much since then. The average Homo Sapien back then: tall, muscular, agile, athletic, and incredibly versatile.The average Homo Sapien now: overweight, out of shape, stressed out, unhappy, sleep deprived and dying from a myriad of preventable diseases.So what the hell happened? Agriculture! A few thousand years ago humans discovered farming, the agricultural revolution took off, and we advanced from hunter-gatherers to farmers. We settled down, formed societies, and the human race progressed to what we are today.

so, according to this diet philosophy if we all eat like cavemen and exercise more we will return to our pre-agricultural fitness levels.  i see a little problem.  although i'm now eating as a hunter-gatherer, i am neither hunting nor gathering (unless you can call a trip to costco gathering, which, after hunting for a parking spot, making my way through the jungle of options without going bankrupt, braving the cash lines, and running my son over with the cart in the parking lot, seems to come close).  i don't think my 20 minutes of jillian micheals will compare with a life of foraging for berries and chasing down wild boar. 

another thought, these ancestors of ours weren't only hunter-gatherers, they were hunted and gathered.  the weekly run-from-the-hungry-t-rex must have been great for muscular endurance!  i think they would gladly trade their healthy lifestyle of losing a limb to a giant predator for some tv and nachos. 

and writing a letter in stone - that takes muscles!

obviously i'm a bit cynical, and more than a little ticked off that now when we're invited to some one's house for dinner i have to say we're "gluten-, dairy-, tree nut-, grain-, and sugar-free".   that's more than two ENTIRE food groups people.  coming up with a meal list this week felt like a herculean effort. but it's done, and here's hoping my son quickly gets over his aversion to green foods.

and that i can say goodbye to cheese.  sniff.  when the naturopath said "no dairy" i put my head down on her desk and said "give me a moment to adjust".

i think this calls for a haiku.

goodbye cheese.

 

even though you make

me gasey, i do love you.

boursin, cheddar, brie.

 

glad i cannot have

a cracker or i'd miss you

terribly. good bye.

thankfully, this is only for the next six weeks.  at least, that's the current plan.  i was hoping to celebrate easter with chocolate (what could be holier?), but my lent will have to live on a little longer.

there is a silver lining i suppose:  i can still eat bacon.  if you're in the area, feel free to stop in for the bacon-wrapped vegetable of the day, and if you're lucky i'll let you see my six-pack once it arrives.