birthday wishes

i was at a small gathering a few weeks ago, sharing my art and story, and mentioned that i had a daughter who was about to turn out.  a woman there said "what?  you're not old enough for that!  did you have her when you where 14?"
oh, dear.  part of me wanted to hug her, and part of me wanted to demand a urine sample because drugs are obviously an issue.
anyways, i DO have a daughter who has just turned 8.  and, forgive me, but i'm going to use this blog to wax eloquent on her party.  because it was awesome.
my daughter starts planning her parties a year in advance.  now, the plans change multiple times during the year, but be assured she is already planning for party number nine.  she came up with the idea of a spa party sometime last summer, and the theme of berries was added a few months ago, and voila! 8 friends were invited to her

berry beautiful birthday

we started with face masks:  mashing strawberries and adding yogurt.  the girls all squealing as their partners spread it on their faces.  i suppose i should have warmed up the yogurt a little...and the classic cucumbers on the eyes.  after they washed it off a few looked around and said "my skin feels SO soft!".  yes, i'm sure all of the dry patches and wrinkles attacking your seven-year-old visage have disappeared. 

we moved on to exfoliating lips and hands and feet and doing nails.  at one point i heard one girl say to her friend "this party is AWESOME!".  now, you all know how dearly i appreciate praise - i swelled like a balloon.

which brings me to decorations.  you know when you have an idea and feel like you have finally tapped into your super-mom potentials?  well, my daughter asked to play "pin the leaves on the strawberry".  so, i got out two big pieces of paper.  i gave my 4 year old son a brush and said "paint this entirely green", and my girl painted hers red.  after they dried we cut out a large strawberry shape and 10 leaf shapes for the game, and then numerous mini strawberries for a garland.  it was like i was channelling eric carle!  they looked awesome and the kids loved it, or, at least i did.

we ate copious amounts of berries and waffles and a dear dear friend asked if she could make the cake as her present (YES!!!!), she she showed up with a giant strawberry that we will still be eating for Easter dinner i think.  the cake is always the most stressful part of the party for me - i have had some dismal failures in the past, totally exacerbated by the fact that i feel like i should be amazing at cake decorating because i'm an artist.  i'm not amazing.  i'm not even close to amazing.  i think i would be labelled as "good try", like the participation ribbons i used to get on field day in elementary school.  i once made a princess dress cake that turned into a strawberry shortcake doll drowning in a sea of blue icing.  i think i scared the kids at the party.  so this gift of cake was truly a blessing. 

we sent off a gaggle of girls, scrubbed and lotioned and painted to perfection.  and then lay on the couch for the rest of the day (scott and i, that is).
 
my son asked my daughter what she wished for when she blew out her candles and she answered "a happy family... and i got it!"

yes, sometimes wishes do come true. 

only twelve more months to plan for next year.

the big easy

one of the great things about being the wife of a pastor is that you get to hear your husband preach.  which, i suppose could also be the worst thing, depending on the preacher.  thankfully, in my case, it's a constant privilege to sit under scott's teaching, to hear his heart, and to be drawn into his passion for Christ, for the pursuit of godliness, for truth. 
i noticed yesterday that when he speaks my husband has a little repeated mannerism: he plays with his wedding ring.  and i had the thought "i put that ring on his finger" and then i got all emotional.  sometimes i still can't believe that he picked me.
i know there are a few of you out there who still can't believe it either.

anyways, back to the sermon yesterday.  it was titled "the gift of the narrow road".  he talked about how we as Christians balk at the idea of narrow-mindedness, narrow living, of being labelled "narrow" in any sense.   because we who have experienced, and are experiencing, this life with Christ would describe it as expansive, and spacious and beautiful and life-giving.  i would testify to a new life, a deep breath, a growing heart, a stable joy.  this is what "Christianity" feels like to me. 

and, yet, in Matt. 7:13-14 we are called by Jesus to walk in a way that is, yes, narrow.  narrow in the sense of obedience, allegiance, and trust.   and i started seeing this "narrow road" as difficult.  squishy.  tedious at times.  exhausting.  and i had the realization that my sin is so easy. 

it's like i'm walking down this prickly path - oh, yes, it's beautiful.  look at the flowers, smell the sunshine and hear the birds, but ouch!  it hurts to be reminded of my jealousy and pride.  ugh!  i just spent half a day trying to get out of a puddle of judgement.  i have to turn sideways to squeeze through that awful temptation to gossip.  i just want to sit down.  i just want to lie back.  i just want to stop the perseverance.

whoa....look at the wide road over there!  that looks comfy.....  i can do whatever i want. 

it's so appealing, isn't it?  it looks so easy.

but i've been down that road before.  i have to quickly rummage through my backpack and take out my scrapbook (just kidding, i don't scrapbook).  i find my journal and remember that around the corner on that broad and easy road is fear.  lots of it.  broken relationships.  guilt.  loss.  a sense of desperation.  death.  death of who i want to be.  death of my purpose and my future. 

suddenly this little narrow road looks pretty amazing.  especially since i never walk it alone. 
i hear Jesus saying "come to me if you're weary and burdened and rest with me".  and i remember that he's walked this road before - perfectly.  i will follow his lead.  we can sit on the side of the road and eat some bread, drink some wine, and marvel at the beauty of it all.


if you'd like to hear scott's sermon, it's here. 

three things i hate about me. well, hate is a strong word.

there are a few things that i don't like about myself.
here's why: they seem rather antithetical to the life i'm attempting to live.  here's the top three.

1.  i love presents.
2.  i love public affirmation.
3.  i love teen fiction.

this obviously isn't an exhaustive list.  there are a few other qualities i could do without:  my instant anger when i see a suburbian hummer, how i have to put toilet paper down on any toilet that has a hint of neglect, my ridiculously loud laugh that turns heads in any public place....but the first three cause me the most chagrin.

1.  it's hard to work towards simplicity and contentment when i just love getting presents so much!  my friends tell me about having their family members forget about christmas presents, or give to charities in lieu of gifts, and my initial response is "yes!  that's awesome!" and then immediately afterwards, stepping on the toes of my altruism, is a sadness.  no presents?  no wrapping paper?  no flush of excitement when someone opens the thoughtful present i have laboured to find (or make)? no flush of excitement when I open the thoughtful present someone else has laboured over?

so far the score is:  presents - 100%

2.  i once worked with a woman who was quiet.  she didn't say a word in staff meetings while i was verbally processing and making a fool of myself.  (i know all you verbal processors are commiserating with me) and then, once a month, her mouth would open.  a hush would fall over the crowded staff room, and she would say a sentence that was simple and defined and meaningful.  something that she had been mulling over internally (and probably praying about! ugh!) while we were hashing it out with our stupid arguments.

i couldn't stand it.

why oh why couldn't i be more like her?  and why oh why did she get all embarrassed when someone tried to compliment her, shrugging it off and asking for no public praise - while i was sitting across the table thinking "i hope they say i did something well....i hope they give me flowers!  in front of the whole school!!"

sigh.  i love public affirmation.  and public displays of affection.  my husband singing my praises in a crowded room while handing me a gift bag....seriously!  i am this twisted!!

3.  i'm currently in escondido california.  it's a cool cloudy day.  but the air is sweet and the palm trees lush and the grass green and the bougainvilleas verdant.  we've passed a house by the highway each day that has a front yard completely covered with fuchsia flowers.  just driving from the airport felt like a journey into health.  beauty is so good for the soul.  i spent three minutes at a beach today (it was FREEZING), and the sun broke through the clouds and i walked along little rivulets carved into the sand by small tide pools.  i hunted for shells.  drank a cup of tea.

i was restored.

on the two flights we took to get here i read twilight.  again.  i read for at least three hours.  i probably read with a wistful smile on my face.  because i love it.  and a part of me hates that i love it, and i am embarrassed that i do, and i try to hide the cover as long as possible.  but i love it.  and i loved "eragon" that i read last week, and harry potter, and the hunger games.  i love teen fiction.  deal.

so, i finished twilight last night, revelling in the passages where there's a touch along her cheek, or a fleeting kiss, or smouldering eyes.  i know, i'm ridiculous.  but i would much rather read about small acts filled with great longing than large acts filled with great relief.  do you know what i mean?  could you pretend you do?

wow, i'm feeling rather exposed.  what is it about hot climates?  before you know what you've done you're in a bikini walking through target and could care less.  i think i feel so nourished by sunshine and flowers and hot tubs that i'm teetering on recklessness.  so, i've actually written an entire post about the things i don't really like about myself.  there you go.

now, could you compliment me a little?