it's beginning to look a lot like

this afternoon an untold number of Christmas boxes threw up inside my house, and, after wading through the nastiness, i have emerged victorious!  my little tree is twinkling beautifully, three wreaths hung, little doodads and pine thingamagigies nestled in the nooks and crannies.  and my hearth is blanketed in white lights and evergreen boughs (fake!  don't get too excited) and a beautiful little nativity scene given to me by my mother-in-law.  it's perfect.  i so look forward to decorating, and then for an hour or so in the middle i want to light everything on fire, and then at the end i'm glowing!  ah, the evolution of change.

it's been a good week.  i've painted quite a bit - even daring to pick up the brushes for a few minutes here and there when my kids were around.  i went on another silent retreat this weekend, and (growth!) wasn't scared by the hours of not-talking looming ahead of me.  i can't say i was looking forward to it, but at least i wasn't dreading it. :)  baby steps.

i'm getting more comfortable with my yeast-free, sugar-reduced diet. i've started planning out really yummy things to enjoy to get me through the week.  for example, i made spiced squash and carrot muffins with gouda (except i went cheap and used cheddar) today, and i splurged on raspberries and pepper boursin.  i will survive!  one thing is for sure, if i'm giving up bread and dessert i'm NOT giving up fat.
more butter, please.

during one of my (silent) prayer times this weekend i paraphrased another passage from the Bible, and thought i'd share it with you.  once again, i find myself in a space needing to let go and trust in God's goodness, faithfulness, and competence.  my husband recently described Christian growth as a spiralling ascent up a mountain - you're moving upwards, but you keep coming around to the same stuff again and again.  hopefully, you hit it from a different angle each time, and can see how this time you're a little bit different, a little further ahead, a little more healed. 
still, it sucks to turn the corner and see the same issue starring you in the face again.  there is a little encouragment in knowing it's a common human experience.  a little.

Isaiah 64:6-8
                                                       we've all become dirty.
all all our 'rightness' we use to clean ourselves up
  makes things worse
                                pollutes us

like a decaying leaf, holding on by a thread
             sin comes and easily blows us away.

because we look to ourselves instead of to you
we don't rouse ourselves to take hold of what you offer

(i'd rather sleep than seek)

you're hard to find,
     so i'd rather melt into my sin
                and be formed by it
                                                instead.

But now,
     Lord, my God and Saviour,
     You are my Father;
 I will be a lump of dirt (still!)
    but I will be in Your hands
        and You will work on me.

You will work on us all.