a spoonful of sugar

i watched Mary Poppins today with my husband and kids.  we turned the t.v. room into a little theatre with a mattress and pillows and blankets and settled in.  it was the perfect rainy Sunday afternoon activity.  and that nanny is so wise!  In one of her first scenes she comes out with two zingers, first:

"a thing of beauty is a joy forever"

sadly, as she's saying this she's pulling a truly hideous plant out of her carpet bag.  but, the truth still rings out.
and then:

"enough is as good as a feast"

wow.
that hit home.  right now God is providing enough.  just enough.  and he's providing it in surprising and tender and generous ways.  it is a feast to accept your daily bread from the hands of God.  a humbling beauty.

i heard Carolyn Arends speak this morning.  that's right, Carolyn Arends of the Christian pop culture.  she was amazing!  i've heard rumors to that end, but i confess i didn't totally believe.  she spoke about the Beatitudes and explained how they're not a list to try and check off (i mourned today!), but rather they are characteristics that will begin to manifest in our lives when God's kingdom begins to break through.  "it's not about us working to get into God's kingdom, but about God's kingdom getting into us".  So, when we start to live life centered on God's will and way, we will begin to recognize our own poverty of spirit, we will begin to mourn with God for the state of our world, we will begin to carry our strength with meekness because that's how Christ carried his, etc..

lately i feel that God is teaching me about hungering and thirsting for righteousness.  He's trying to break this part of the kingdom into me:  to long to move through life right.  not "i'm right and you're wrong", but, "i handled that situation how God wanted me to".  i just want to do this well!  this waiting and transition and poverty and frustration and imbalance - i want to walk through this time having held on, with faith and trust deepened instead of broken.  i want to feast on the "enough", and not become bitter and entitled.

i confess that at times i have felt surprised at how deep my roots seem to have grown in this faith, but i also confess my fear that my breaking point is just around the corner.

God, keep me.
Christ behind me, Christ before me, Christ below me, Christ above me, Christ beside me - on my left and my right, Christ within me, Christ without me.  Christ in all, holding all things together for my good.
Your kingdom come and will be done, on earth, in me, as it is in heaven
amen.