risky truths

i am going to tell you, whoever you are, a risky truth about myself.  here is it.

i'm just going to say it.

here goes.

maybe before I tell you this truth I should preface it with a little backstory because I'm stalling.  this is something I have felt for many years, and have told others, and am usually rewarded with an awkward smile - a smile that says "really" (awkward pause) "ha ha.....really?".  i have tried to overcome it, with success in various life stages, but it never lasts for very long and i've decided in my forties that i just need to embrace it.

i do not like exercise.
there, i've said it, and i'm not taking it back.  and i see you staring at your screen with that smile thinking "really?".   this is no lie.  and although i know that admitting this is akin to blasphemy in this day and age, especially here on the west coast, i know i'm not alone.  there are others out there like me, others who buy workout clothing to clean the house in, others who would much rather read a novel than go for a run, others who think that cardio is slow torture.

our family went on holidays with another family this spring break - a family of exercise junkies. these friends wake up before the sun, eager to strap on the lycra and get out in the rainstorm.  they had run a few K, made breakfast and had family game time before i even opened my eyes in the morning.
and that's awesome.  that is truly amazing.  but i don't want to.

my idea of exercise is a brisk walk with a friend - a walk that is more about the friend than the heart rate.  i will never own a fit bit.  i do not care how fit my bits are.  ok, that's not true - i do care, just not enough to get on a spin bike (aka hell torture).   i also enjoy yoga - slow stretching that ends with me flat on my back breathing deeply for 3 minutes to realign my spine.  yes - that is the exercise that calls to me.  and i still have to drag my butt onto the mat.

one of my best friends feels closest to God, closest to experiencing his love and beauty when she "has sweat dripping off her wrists" (that is a direct quotation).  if i ever see sweat dripping off any part of my body i can assure you heavenly glory is the furthest thing from my mind.

i don't want to go for early morning runs.  or late morning.  or anytime after noon.  i don't want to go for a hike (unless it's sunny but still cool and my friends are going and there will be snacks at the end and maybe during).  i don't want to bike up hills.  i don't want to skip rope.

there are reasons - first, i don't like the feeling that my heart is going to explode from my chest when my heart rate climbs - i truly feel as though i'm going to die - not so much "i am experiencing Jesus", more like "i'm about to see Jesus".   second, i have no gross motor skills, so sports are out.  OUT.  and i'm not being humble, i am being realistic.  i have lots of fine motor skills and you can't have everything in life. third, i am watching many friends and family members dealing with crappy knees/hips/backs due to sports and i would rather continue to not wake up early to feel like i'm dying so that one day i can have knee replacement surgery.

i choose sleeping in, gentle stretches, and happy knees.

i know that some of you are concerned for my health.  let me put you at ease.  i was just at the doctors and i mentioned having low blood pressure.  she said "that just happens sometimes with healthy people who eat well and exercise - you just have to be careful not to stand up too quickly".  i didn't have the heart to correct her.  sorry dr. forrester!  good thing i don't lift weights or my blood pressure would be like a deflated balloon.

while i'm at it i might as well also confess that i like to keep my house clean, wear dresses and cook (sometimes all at once!).  YIKES.  that was a lot.  if you're feeling a little frustrated with me at the moment might i suggest a quick run?  i hear they're perfect for blowing off steam.