grump

i woke up grumpy today, for no apparent reason.  i ran through the scenarios while journalling...am i sick? am i over tired?  did i eat something i shouldn't have? am i stressed?  over worked?  pms?  nope, nothing.  just grumpy.  so, shoulders back, smiles on, fight fight fight!!!  working through a day where your reflexive expression is "be quiet!" is a lot harder than surviving a day founded on a positive outlook.
but here i am, children reading in bed, a small bowl of olives and my computer.  i've survived.

my children are actually reading in the same bed, side by side on their tummys, one with garfield, another with a junior novel about pre-teens who are remarkable responsible for their ages and have started a cupcake company.  man my nine year old is sheltered.  she stirred a pot at the stove for thirty seconds today, terror written all over her face, until she finally bailed with a "it's too hot!".  she did however let me know that cooking safety dictates saucepan handles face into the stove.  and people poo-poo our public school system.

the reason they are sharing a bed is that today one of my husbands dreams for our home came true:  we bought a loft bed for our son.  his room is teeny tiny, covered in lego, and sticking his bed four feet in the air has literally doubled his play space.  yippee scott!  he's been researching and checking craigslist and dreaming for months now.  i don't know who's more excited about the purchase, my son or my husband.

maybe that's why i'm grumpy - images of my 6 year old careening off his bed in the middle of the night.  stop it janet! stop it!

there is much to tell you in the way of celebration.  it has been a full month, getting my website up and running and planning two art classes that begin in february.  the plan back in september when i entered my season of "rest" was that the season would end in january.  things looked a little bleak when the second week of the month hit and i was still unemployed.  i have been putting a lot of pressure on myself to make some money - pressure that feels like i'm a boiling pot with a too-tight lid.  my mind swirling with ideas and what ifs and hows, and sometimes why.  guilt.  dismay.

needless to say, i was in no mood for blogging.

but something miraculous happened this week.  truly.
to give you the full girth of the miracle i need to back up a bit.  in november i was offered a job as an executive administrator for the hypnosis society of canada.  i know, totally random, but a friend at our church currently holds the position and needs to give it up.  it was great hours, great pay...great.  but there was this little niggling feeling about it that wouldn't let up.  i talked to multiple counselors that i admire and all confirmed what i believed, that hypnosis is a viable and helpful psychiatric tool.  i had seen an ad for one of the society's functions though, and it mentioned something about accessing your past lives.  i was concerned that i would be working for a foundation that i could not wholeheartedly endorse.  so i said no.  which was difficult, let me tell you.  definitely a step of faith.

last sunday one of the counselors that i had called to chat with about the hypnosis society position beckoned me over to him. [ it was one of those movie scenes where he's across the room, curling his finger my direction, telling me to come over, and i'm looking behind me wondering who he's summoning, and i point my finger to my chest - "me?!"  yes, me.]  he let me know that a man in the church who is a financial adviser was looking for administrative help.  "should i give him your name?" he asked.

by friday i had the job.  and it's awesome.  walking distance from my house - i could walk with the kids to school and just carry on.  positioned in the neighbourhood shopping complex - above the library of all places (!!!), beside my dentist, and meters from my grocery store.  really flexible part time hours where i can still be home when the kids are.  good pay.  and, best of all, i am working for a man that uses his financial wisdom to make the lives of others better.  a great, god-fearing man who i can wholeheartedly endorse. yay!  it is such a gift to find meaningful work that will not follow me home and will not place me in any moral dilemmas.  seriously.  miracle.

my step of faith was met with great faithfulness.  thank you God.

one of the really fun things is that he told me i "had him at my handwriting".  he had been complaining that a previous-hire had really bad handwriting "in this business a 6 needs to look like a 6!".  i discreetly give him one of my business cards and hand wrote my new website address on the front (what a clever girl i am).  "oh my!" he exclaimed.  and that, my friends, is how it's done.

no, seriously.  praise God that there is some good reason for my lifetime of anality when it comes to my penmanship.  

so, truly nothing to be grumpy about.  actually, writing this seems to have cleared away a few cobwebs.  or maybe its the fact that the kids are falling asleep and it is now adult time in the anderson household.  cue the popcorn and Doc Martin!  i know, good thing we wait until the kids are down.  so feisty.

i wrote in my journal this morning that next week the gun goes off, and i start running again.  i hope i have set a good pace for myself - monday sabbath, tuesday and thursday work, wednesday and friday paint and teach an art class.  i must remember to keep hydrated, breath deeply and stretch out a few times a week with yoga.  i feel ready.  i am at the starting line and i'm smiling.

we'll see how long that lasts grumpy pants.

ps.  my husband just read this and said "you should have blogged earlier in the day if it helped you get over your grumpiness".  hmmm.  i guess he noticed.