Lady Bracknell: 35 is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained 35 for years. (Oscar Wilde, "the Importance of Being Ernest")
today i turned 38.
earlier this year i spent a solid two days firmly believing i was already this age. i was doing dishes after dinner and finally exploded to Scott "i can't believe i turn 39 in a few months!! i am so close to 40!!!". he cleverly replied "you're turning 38".
"no i'm not"
"yes you are. i'm 35. you're 37".
(pause for thought)
i can tell you, there's nothing like believing you are already an age to dispel the sadness you may feel when actually turning it. i looked in the mirror this morning and thought "not bad!"
today is also the auspicious occasion of both my children starting full-time school. i celebrated with: a nap, lunch with a friend and painting. painting! i haven't touched my paints since June and man, does it feel soul-satisfying to push colours around a canvas. i did face a bit of the september jitters - you know, like when you had to write your first essay after summer vacation and were terrified you'd forgotten how. i think i sojourned through it. i'm a little afraid to look.
i woke up this morning with a beautiful birthday surprise of 6 bites ranging from my legs to neck. i seem to have slept with a spider. there are two on my neck, just below my jaw, a few centimeters apart. i showed them to scott and said "do you know what i'm thinking?" and he said "spider?" and i said "vampire!", and rolled my eyes like "how could you?". he didn't even pretend to be jealous.
my daughter made me a beautiful card and inscribed it with words like "you are my saviour, you rescued me". yikes! she must have been thinking of a worship song for birthday inspiration. must chat about that at a later date.... my son grabbed some stray wires (not connected ones) and quickly whipped me up a "rocket ship". ah, the love of my children.
i bought flowers for myself at the market on Granville Island - something i've wanted to do for over a decade. my husband was quite willing to let me pick my birthday bouquet myself, and it is a beauty. new friends stopped by with gifts today, and old friends phoned and mailed and texted love from the miles between us. truly, truly, a lovely day.
so, goodbye 37. again. you were a difficult year. you were a stretching year. you had moments of intense beauty and friendship and love, and moments of wrenching sadness and loss and exhaustion. you did not leave me at 36, and for that i'm thankful.
now, on to 38!