infection

so, i've been battling.  snot, mostly.  headaches, tiredness.  going to bed before my kids most nights.  i've read a stupid novel (i just HAD to know the ending.  what is wrong with me?!!!!).  and, finally, went to the doctor.
and, a gift.
she told me that I have a sinus infection.

now, i know you're thinking, how is a sinus infection a gift?  well, i'm sitting in her examining room, watching her typing what i hoped was a prescription, and i tentatively asked: 
"so, is it an infection?"
when she said yes, in my mind she didn't say "you are sick", she said "you have permission".

i haven't cleaned the house in over 10 days.  my carpets were crying out "what lies beneath?! what lies beneath?!", the toilet sneered "don't you know that when i am servicing a small boy i need to be cleaned more often than this?", the dust doesn't talk, but i know it's thinking along the same lines. 

this was what is termed "february break" in saskatoon - they don't do spring break, but a week off in both February and in April (or whenever Easter hits).  so, i've had two kids at home all (read that as AAALLLLLL) week.  we limit how much television and computer games our kids ingest, but this week mommy was a little lax.

so, the words "it's a sinus infection" actually sounded in my ears this way:
"you poor thing!  don't you do a minutes work - you need rest!!  just let the kids watch tv...leftovers for dinner...early to bed tonight and no vacuuming for you Missy!"

i think if she had said it was just a cold i would have burst into tears.  my return home was my own personal triumphal entry - blessed is she who comes with a sinus infection.

that said, i did vacuum today (i've been on antibiotics for two days now) and thought i actually heard a sigh of relief from my home.  and, there's little in life as satisfying as those lines your vacuum makes when you have thick carpet.  i've waited eleven years for thick carpet and am living in a continual state of thankfulness.

one thing that i actually did accomplish in the last week was to put the finishing touches on a Lenten devotional.  i've been working on it together with the arts group at our church - exploring some themes of Lent with the help of the arts.  it's turned out pretty great, and you can find it here.  (i think it will be added to weekly, with a new page each sunday).

scott and i are giving up television for Lent.  you read me.  every night we put the kids to bed and i turn to him and say "i want to watch television".  so, a good fast to choose i think.  it's amazing how much more conversation and prayer and reading and listening happens when the tv is out of commission. 
it also helps that downton abby is over so i'm not missing anything.  does my acute level of holiness shock you? :)

i hope that you find gifts in strange places and blessings on the lips of strangers.  even if that gift is a sore throat and a snotty nose.  amen.

today.

let me be perfectly honest.  today i feel like crap.
or, as my husband would call it "joy". he's taken to calling excrement "joy" so that when he's cleaning the gerbil cage i don't have to hear sentences like "you just stepped in poo" or "i just need to sweep up the poo under the table".  sentences which quite literally send me to dry heaving.  now it's "just sweeping up joy!" or "watch out for joy when you're walking!", which, even though i know he's talking about feces, seems to help.  he's very thoughtful like that.

anyways, back to me.  i have a cold.  i know, start the violins, janet's got sniffles.  but who wants to be sick on Valentines?  i've been mustering strength all day - i put on my red dress even though my sweats were beckoning.  i washed my bedsheets, when all i wanted was to get into them.  i pulled off a pretty great holiday complete with hand made wall hangings for my husband and daughter, and a trip to the cupcake conspiracy, where tuesday is gluten-free day. 
you might not have noticed, but i'm filled with self-congratulation.

so, i'm sure there are lessons i have learned throughout this past week, but i can't remember any of them.  my brain feels like mud (it's drowning in snot) and i have to squint my eyes to remember five minutes ago.  i suppose i'm writing just so you know i haven't neglected you. 

hello.
i am here.
i care.

alright, that's all i've got.  i'm going to nurse myself with some form of hot liquid, stare at the beautiful tulips my husband gave me, and do my very, very best to end this day on a high note. 

happy valentines day.

image

last sunday morning my sunday school teacher (yes, i have one of those) asked the question:  "what does it mean that we are made in God's image?".  my dear friend Ruth, sitting beside me, said:
"well, it means that sometimes you can learn about God through others.  i see God in my children."
i leaned over to her and said
    "or the devil".

the night previous to this conversation my family was enjoying a beautiful evening with some new friends.  this was the first time we had been invited over to their home, and the first time i had hung out with her husband and son, and vice versa.  we had finished an enormous Indian feast, had talked away the early evening, and were just gearing up to say our farewells.  i walked into the bathroom and found my four-year-old son standing in the corner, pants around his knees, with this LOOK.  you mothers know what i mean....THE look, the look that is saying "don't look at me" and "look at me"  at the same time.  the look that makes you hold your breath and steal yourself for the answer to the question sitting poised on your bottom lip....
                "what did you do?"
                silence. 
                "did you just pee in the garbage can?"
                "yes."
                "why?"  (no, more like WHY?!)
                 a shoulder shrug.  a deflection.  a wince? 

there was a little piddle trail from the toilet to the garbage can.  i looked inside.  full of kleenex and, yes, dryer lint. wet.  yellow.  i inwardly swore. 
i casually sauntered up to my friend, smiled and said "it seems my son has peed in your garbage."

now, i did have enough imagination in the moment to know that very shortly i would be laughing at this whole affair.  and my friend was so gracious and reassuring that she would still like me.

but still, la Diable. 

the following day my boy was in such a bad mood i was really starting to imagine satanic oppression, but, no, just a nasty nasty cold taking hold of his little bitty body.  so, the pee is forgiven and my heart swells with compassion every time i blow his faucet nose or hear him coughing himself to pieces.    he did explain to scott later that "the pee was so long, i got bored of putting it all in one place".  well, that just makes sense doesn't it?  i mean, if i could aim, what shenanigans would i do with my long pees?  i obviously shouldn't judge.

i'm preparing to write a lenten reflection on temptation for a journal my church arts group is putting together.  i've been thinking of how uncreative satan is (not a new idea), how he only de-creates while Christ re-creates.  and how the same old temptation from the garden to the desert still remains:  
                               God is not who He says He is,
                               therefore He cannot be trusted,
                               and you should trust more in your self.

all of my grabbing and hoarding and lying and hiding come down to this lie, this temptation.  i hope that in the coming lenten season i will be made more aware of how often i believe it, and de-create, diminish this image of God that has been gifted to me.   it's amazing to imagine what i would look like without sin.  when i am re-created back into the original design for "Janet", wholly reflecting the image of God, wholly beautiful and filled with trust and light and peace. 

heaven. 

now, where does the little voice saying "come, pee in the garbage, you surely will not die" fit in?  you decide, and i'm checking for snakes under the bathroom mat next time.