temptation

i heard a great sermon yesterday about temptation.  it was one of those ones where my pen was flying across the page, taking notes and writing questions!!  with exclamation marks!!  and then next thing you know the pastor (leyton) was answering said exclaimed question, and off went my pen again. 
the gist of it was this:  God does not tempt us, but He does test us, and we need to pray (as in the Lord's prayer) that those tests do not twist into temptations. 
for example:  a god-fearing woman places her faith in God's provision for her family, and walks in trust and joy as her husband resigns from his job and they spend the next half a year looking for work.  this is quite a test.  but some days, the test is twisted.  and she starts to think they made a mistake.  she starts to doubt God's care.  she starts to doubt God.  these days are hard, hard days.  filled with anger and tears and fear.
but there are other days in this test.  other days when she is strengthened somehow to continue to trust, and she's filled with hope and thankfulness and anticipation and peace. 
and now, she (okay, it's me). now, I look back on the test of 2010 and I'm so thankful for it.  so thankful that i am in my promised land, looking back at the desert, knowing that the next time i feel the sand touching my toes i will have this experience to stand on.  this faithfulness to remember.  and all the more reason not to fear.

so, one of my questions in my sermon notes was Why does God test us?!!
i know, it's a bit of a baby question, but sometimes i just feel frustrated with the whole idea of testing.  the idea of all of life being a test makes me feel like "batten down the hatches!  there's a test on the horizon and i hope we make it through!!", or, " i guess i can't be angry about this tragedy because it's somehow a test".  i say poo poo.  POO POO!!!!.
i don't think everything is a test. 
there, i've said it.
i think there are tests, and there are trials, and there is an enemy who throws crap into our lives and rubs his hands with gleeful anticipation of our distress and distrust and downfall.  i don't think my friend was assaulted as a test.  i don't think a different friends sister died as a test.  i think that the enemy of our lives is working diligently and verociously.
maybe there are tests within the trial, but that's a different thing.
and the "why?" answer is obvious and consistent with the what i know of my God:  for my good, and His glory.  to shape me more into the image of Christ, for my continual joy and for the sake of the world. 

so, for those of you experiencing the test today, I pray for strength and endurance, for your growth and for a joyful hope.  and for those of you in trial, I pray for an awareness of Christ's compassion, the Father's love, and the Spirit's presence. amen.

twas the week before school...

i have not had much experience with kids and summer vacations since my oldest is only entering grade 2, but here's what i remember about the last week before school last summer:

panic.  where is that newsletter with the supplies list?  will these runners count as indoor shoes and do they even fit after months of flip-flops?  what will the teacher be like!  how am i going to get out the door that early five days a week!

sibling explosions.  over everything, over nothing.  too much time together.  too much time with me.  too many outings ending in tantrums.  getting time outs while in time outs. 

basically any notions of the first day of grade 1 being emotional difficult were thrown out the door and i was ready to toss my child in the teachers arms and run for the hills.

how do you homeschoolers do it?!!!!

well, let me tell you my saving grace this week.  an angel came to stay at my little home in Saskatoon.  her name is Cori and i feel like she literally picked up the chaos that could have been this week, shook it around in her hands like a snow globe, and plopped it back down filled with humour, space, care, compassion, and friendship.  what a gift!  and here we are, wednesday night, with happy children tucked in their beds, time-out spaces growing cobwebs, and the feeling that i'm actually going to be a little verklempt when school starts next week.

now, i know that many of you have a week more of vacation than i do, so here's my recommendation.  phone a friend!  forget about the housework as much as possible and get through this week still in love with your kids :).  the work will get done when the school bell rings, but the last week of summer will be lost until next year. 

that said, i'm greatly looking forward to experiencing a prairie autumn.  i hear they're beautiful, and i have recollections of october in Ontario, with crisp evenings and colours ablaze and the smell of cold around the corner.  every september i get the urge to buy myself school supplies.  anyone else?  i want to sharpen pencils and feel the excitement of that first blank binder page, waiting in anticipation, devoid of mistakes.  am i a total geek or just sweetly nostalgic?

maybe i'll invest in one cahier just for kicks.  i could use it for grocery lists!

may back to school shopping not swallow you alive, and may you enjoy at least one more perfect summer evening - roast a marshmellow for me if you're able.

Rich

I'm home from B.C. And feeling very rich indeed, for many reasons.
The first: my first weekend in bc was spent with three friends in a trailer at the base of a mountain. We laughed, we cried, (both a ridiculous amount) and we prayed. On Saturday we spent the day taking turns sharing our lives and praying for each other. By the end of the day we looked like puffy eyed raccoons, but it was so fantastic. You know that verse about how pleasing it is when brothers dwell together in unity? Well, ditto for sisters. What a gift to be surrounded by women who know my ugliness and surround me with the arms and words of Christ.

And then camp at Homewood was amazing this year. Our kids are finally at the go and wander age so camp was very relaxing and fun and adventurous. We did lose our son the first day, and I was just about to reach the point of hysteria when I walked into a room and there he was! I held myself together for along enough to get him into our room and then I cried and hugged and begged him to have mercy on my poor heart. I must have gotten through to him because yesterday we were in best buy and he looked up at me and said "mommy, I'm going to stand over there ok?". Bliss!

After camp I had some great conversations, one which took place in a hottub for over an hour, and went shopping with a dear friend who actually treated me to a new dress and sweater (unbelievable!).

Then I came home.

Last time I went to BC I came home to saskatoon and entered a funk. My first night back I went to a baby shower and came home in tears. I said to Scott "I need 10 years to catch up with these friendships. How will that ever happen?". I think up until visiting I was feeling really positive about the move to the prairies. But then I was dipped again into the ocean of my friendships in BC and began to experience my new homeland as a desert experience.
Well,
This time I came home a little concerned, a little nervous about how I would feel. I went out last night with two friends for a walk around the river and came home smiling. I'm RICH! I have friends here who love me and care for me and let me love and care for them. We laughed and cried together, and talked about ridiculously personal things. A sincerely perfect evening (vulnerability, cheese, chocolate, exercise and a movie...what more could a girl ask for?)

So, I'm committed to focussing on this excess of love, especially when finding out my kitchen subfloor has rotted, my new computer might not be all I desired (I know, cry me a river), and the savings account is empty. I'm rich in what matters, in what brings life, in what will sustain me through all these tossing storms. I sincerely hope that you are feeling the same.