i'm on the couch in my (mercifully) air-conditioned house, in a sleeping bag because i'm too cold. ( i know! stop yelling. i turned it down, or up, whatever). the bourne ultimatum is on the tele, and beside me is a plate of strawberries, fairtrade chocolate, a lovely buttery havarti, and some crackers. my kids are sleeping. it's about to thunderstorm. ah, perfection.
i picked my first vegetable from my garden yesterday - a single pea pod which i shared with my family (everyone gets a tiny bite!). they applauded me. i felt like i had received a shiny gold star. everyday my kids spend hours in the backyard. we were given a swing set by friends from the church, complete with slide and rings, so now we have a bonified playground out our back door. sincerely? i wonder how i could be more blessed.
today scott preached on Sabbath and the beauty of God's call to rest: to remember his miraculously taking us out of our self-slavery, to cease our striving as though we are the center of the universe, and to bless others. it was a beautiful, lung-filling word to the weariness of soul and body. i was asked last-minute to sing on the worship team, so I had that joy. man, i don't know how much i've missed leading until I get the chance to do it again. there's nothing like purposefully calling others to worship that makes me enter into worship myself. I picture myself in this giant throneroom, before a beautiful throne of light, and i sing my heart out and will the people around me to do the same. i don't know if they do - my eyes are always closed!- but i hope.
i've been dealing with a strange sickness the last week-and-a-half. it started out as pain in my lower back - like someone was waxing it and had just ripped off the wax, but that feeling lasted throughout the day. the next day the same pain was on the top of my left thigh. and the next two, my right hand and upper arm. weird eh? anyways, it's led to vertigo for a day and now some pretty sharp side pain.
sometimes in the middle of the night i will think i'm dying. I will picture my beautiful children and wish I had more time, i'll look at my husband sleeping and try to memorize his face once more. then the next day i'll be totally fine, thinking it's just a virus (which, honestly, it most likely is) and that i need to stop being such a drama queen. but those moments of fear....
i used to live with fear as a companion for many years, and i had forgotten what a monster it is. how it sucks out your hope and joy and sanity and leaves you crumpled and defeated. fear is the slavery that i have been rescued from, my exodus. i have not enjoyed seeing it's ugly head in my bed again.
so, pray for me. i go to see a doctor on Thursday and have a complete physical next week.
i checked my blog stats before starting this post and saw that i have someone in India, Turkey, even the Phillipines reading my blog. and Korea! is that you Conner? could any of you leave a comment? i'm so curious....
my little girl finished grade one on tuesday. all week i've been saying to people "ask her what grade she's in!" and she'll say "two!" and we'll clap and cheer. her teacher wrote on her report card that every day she "tries to be the best person she can be". i can't express how proud i am of that, of her.
so, a rocky road of a week, culminating in an amazing fireworks display in the little town of Elbow, Saskatchewan, for Canada day. my daughter on my lap (we watched from in the car so as to not be mosquito appies) and my son, wide eyed and open-mouthed and giddy with the splendor. again, perfect.